Real Travel
8 - 9 October, Ian
Our problems over the last two days began on
Friday night. In the notes at the end of
Prime
Obsession it is claimed - without proof or
explanation - that if you take a sequence of random numbers between 0 and 1 the
expectation of how many terms are needed before their cumulative sum exceeds 1
is e
(the exponential base, which is 2.7 and change). I couldn't immediately see why
this would be the case. Over and above this, shortly before we turned in I'd
had to club a cockroach to death as it scuttled up the wall by the bed and I was
also a little disturbed by an unidentified animal sound coming from within one
of the wooden chairs. So the thought of the bugs made me too uneasy to sleep
and the number thing gave me something to think about. By the small hours I had
figured out, both heuristically and formulaically, why the answer is
e -
it's a satisfying result but in the morning I was very sleepy and when Paula
tried to get us up at 6:00 for our journey to Argentina I begged another hour in
bed and we finally set off just after
8:00.Our departure from Santiago went
without difficulty, even though all of the roads on the outskirts of the city
are being ripped up as part of a highway overhaul and so the road markings and
signs are mostly missing or misleading. By mid-morning we were speeding through
the Chilean countryside. The land here is more verdant than any we've seen
since South Africa (where they irrigate the land so much that they risk
depleting their sources of water) but the lush greens form the background to a
unique preponderance of yellows, oranges and browns amongst the scrub bushes and
wildflowers. It's all extremely pretty, in the Impressionist style. We turned
off the main highway onto a straight single lane road, which was planted on both
sides with vines. The most common mode of transport here was the horse and
every rider wore a sombrero and a poncho; they seemed unfazed by the occasional
cars, all of which we're travelling even more quickly than those on the
motorway. As lunchtime approached we had turned towards the snow-capped Andes,
which formed a beautiful and dramatic backdrop to the continuing expanses of
rolling hills and vineyards and the cloudless blue sky; intense sun sparkled off
ice wherever it rose to the surface of the
snow.The road signs continued to be
surprisingly infrequent, and although we had no good maps there were many
geographical clues to guide us, one of the most obvious of which was that we had
to rise through the mountains. As we gained more height it began to seem
reminiscent of a ski resort. And then, bizarrely, it
was a
ski resort, with pistes and skiers to the side of the road and ski lifts passing
overhead. So far so good.We reached
the first border post and, after a short queue, passed through without incident.
The queues really backed up in the long mountain tunnels, where the multi-axle
lorries towered to within a foot or so of the roof on the nearside and seemed to
have difficulty making the tighter bends. It would have been a bad place to be
claustrophobic. At times when we were at a standstill a noise exactly like
standing underneath an aeroplane with its jets full on would engulf the car. At
other times we car drivers would vent our impatience by hooting all the way
along the line, which was noisy and merry. The final part of the queue ran for
a couple of hundred metres in the open air, when we again had beautiful views of
the snowy mountains. When we reached
the Argentine border checkpoint I had my first experience of being refused entry
to a country. Our car documents, which had been ordered several months in
advance, had taken us 2.5 labour hours of Alamo staff time to prepare upon
collection at Santiago airport, and following that we'd had to make two further
visits to a different Alamo office to ensure that we had the correct papers to
take the car into Argentina. But we didn't have the correct papers. I spent
quite a while in the border guard hut pretending to understand even less Spanish
than I do but knowing, despite my denial to the guard as well as to myself, that
he was insisting that we produce an international insurance certificate that we
didn't have. It would have been the ideal place to make a call to the staff at
Alamo who had issued us with our documentation but our cell phones didn't have
any reception and the guard claimed not to have a phone that we could use. By
the end of our little interview Paula had joined us and was in tears, at least
partially, I believed, for effect, and I finally broke into Spanglish to declaim
melodramatically that this spelt the end of our holiday.
Actually Paula and I both thought that
our Argentine horse riding adventure might really be in danger and, for me, it
was only the sheer size of our deposit that fortified my resolve to persist with
the attempt at the border crossing. At this juncture I seriously considered
trying a bribe, which an Argentine resident also later advised, and decided
against it not out of shyness or for fear of imprisonment but because I only had
20 US$ in my wallet, which (since I had not one Argentine peso) I thought I
would need almost immediately if we did make it across. I also considered just
getting in the car and driving through anyway, which seemed to be feasible,
banking on the laziness and incompetence of the cabinieri; correctly, though, I
fortunately realised that this would not have been
effective.
As we trudged back to the car the
mountain scenery looked very Swiss and I felt like a character from
The Sound of
Music or a WW2 war movie about to run the last
few hundred metres through knee-deep snow to the safety of a neutral land. But
we returned through the tunnels and settled into the long queue to pass again
through the Chilean border. Rather than hustling our way through the DMZ we
used the time to make calls, now that we again had a signal, and got through to
Alamo, whose immediate reaction was to swear that we had all of the correct
papers. They promised to call the Argentine border and asked us to call back in
an hour when they would have everything resolved. Instead of just sitting and
looking out of the window, we inched forward (though, to be accurate, most of
the time we were stationary) and Paula went and got advice from a guy in the
Chilean office. His news was that the Argie guy was arguably correct but while
we may be able to insist upon our right to travel into their country with no
insurance, (a) he could just say No again and (b) well, we'd have no insurance.
We called Alamo again and they agreed that both of these points were true.
Eventually we learned that if we
crossed back into Chile we could get the papers we needed from a nearby hotel
and try again. After considering all of the options that you can imagine passed
through our minds we finally decided to do this and to stay in Mendosa for a
night if and when we made it into Argentina. Luckily, we managed to get through
to our hosts in Argentina and they kindly agreed to let us start our stay one
day late. So that's what we did.Of
course, it took quite a while to get the papers and to return to the Chilean and
then the Argentine crossing, but when we did we sailed through, brandishing our
new certificate. We noticed that they hadn't checked our passports and
correctly inferred as we drove along the open and empty road along the valley,
that we would have another control point to clear. The wait at this one was
less painful, though very far from being quick or efficient. There were
actually two points within 10 metres of each other that we had to drive through
- another Chilean post and another Argentine one - both of whom checked all of
the same documents as the previous points as well as each giving us some new
ones to complete. This reinforced a lesson that I've learned over the past
couple of years or so at work: bureaucracy is inherently resistant to
streamlining and if you want to improve it you should aim to remove it. In this
spirit Paula said something that was also on my mind: "I'll never complain about
the EU again". For all the stupid laws about bendy bananas, you can at least
drive across the continent with a minimum of delay. (And I have no sympathy
with the Daily
Mail line that our border xenophobes are the
best in Europe and that other states sloppily admit terrorists and drug
traffickers - where are all the terrorists hanging out? They're in
London!)After
these two checkpoints we had a couple more stops where guys with guns checked
the same documents and did their own bit of rubber stamping and then, four hours
after we'd first reached the border, we were in!
The place we had reached was a land of
big scenery. For its vastness and drama we were all reminded of Africa,
specifically of Namibia. Actually the terrain that we initially drove through
reminded me of Marlboro country, with red mountains (still with snowy peaks),
deep gorges and scrubby land with large cactuses. Also like Africa, there was
mile after mile of open landscape showing no sign of human habitation, although
the roads were much better. Tarmaced, with crisp dotted lines and regular
bollards around each sweeping bend, the highway was like a life-size Scalextric
track laid out in a diorama where the little bushes happened to be real. And
that's how we drove.As we drove we
realised that we had made our first planning error of our trip. Over the next
two days we came to appreciate that the journey from Santiago to our ranch
would, even with the best possible border crossing, be a solid three or four day
haul. Our intention to make it in a day defied absurdly defied the laws of
physics. Our revised plan to do it in two days was challenging. We arrived at
Mendosa ("just over the border") as the last of the light gave out but when we
made it into town it was buzzing and pretty and we were in good spirits. For
all of our year of travel we have booked accommodation in advance and this was a
rare instance of what many people see as real travel: turning up somewhere with
no fixed plans, open to whatever you find. We chose a hotel from the Top End
range in Lonely Planet and Paula ran out to get us a room while I double parked
on the main avenue outside. This scenario played out about a dozen more times -
sometimes with me doing the inquiry to rule out the possibility of any lurking
local misogyny - as we went from hotel to hotel like Joseph and Mary and saw
that Mendosa was full. Paula and Zoe also tried the tourist centre, but this
was a complete zoo and offered no hope of even finding anything close to town.
So we had dinner in the city and, having no alternative, got back into the car
and headed out along the highway in the direction of travel for the next day,
hoping to find a place en route. (For completeness, I should report that I
seriously entertained the idea of spending 20 minutes chatting to people in the
square in the hope that someone would take us in. I didn't actually do it
because I was too tired and had a splitting headache behind my eyes, but when I
told Paula later she said the same thought had occurred to her. It reflects how
friendly people are around here.)We
left the street cafe where we'd eaten shortly after 9:00 pm and it was by now
pitch black. We tried a few places that were signed off the highway but they
were all either full or too hard for us to find, and we developed the sense that
we were wasting travel time by detouring off the main route. As we drove into
the night I was getting more and more tired and starting to have difficulty
construing the lights ahead: fatigue was exacerbated by occasional flashing
beacons advertising roadside stops and decorative lights strewn across the tops
of the cabins of some lorries. The time I'd spent figuring out why it takes
e
goes to reach a sum of random numbers exceeding one was beginning to tell.
Things were made worse by a series of noxious fumes that invaded the car. If
you've ever driven south through the Blackwell tunnel and been assaulted by the
fumes from the factory on the south bank you'll have a sense of what it was
like, although here there was a wide variety of malodorous gases that changed
kaleidoscopically over several
miles.Writing about it now is like
remembering a dream. At one point we turned off the highway to try out a town
that featured quite prominently on the small Lonely Planet map of the region.
Young people wandered around the road drinking and the place seemed both poor
and unreal. As we felt then, there was no prospect of us staying in any
establishment we were likely to find so we got back on the road to suck up the
next 100 km to the town that had been signed all the way from Mendosa: La Paz.
Apart from some youths hanging out by the gas station cafe La Paz was asleep,
and, getting to the significant point, the two hotels were full. So we got back
onto the highway yet again. Since Paula had had the stress of negotiating with
all of officials while I'd been responsible for the car, I'd resisted asking her
to do any driving. But now, with my legs aching and stiff and my head and eyes
still sore, she had a go. On this day this was one trial too far for her so I
took over again and soon, not feeling able to continue, we pulled over to an
area of rough ground where several trucks had turned in for the night and tried
to get some sleep in the car. This didn't work either. So we got back on the
highway and I resolved myself for another 100 km or so to the town of San Luis
for what would have to be our last chance at finding somewhere for the
night.Our Nissan Pathfinder, I ought
to mention, is not quite BMW class on the motorway but it proved perfectly
capable of ripping along at 160 km/h in comfort. And it lacks all of the
annoyances of our previous hire cars (buzzers that go if you break 80, alarms
that sound if you put the hand-brake on, or if you take it off, parts that don't
work...). It's a capable vehicle on and off road and I'm glad that we had this
car this month.We finally arrived at
in San Luis around 1 a.m. and found a town that, at that time, seemed ugly but,
more importantly, alive and quite busy. This time we headed for what, according
to Lonely Planet, is the only 4 star hotel in town and Paula refused their
initial claims that they were full and stood at the desk pleading until they
gave us two satisfactory rooms. (Now is not the time to quibble about the
meaning of "4 star"). I fell asleep happily listening to the sound of loud
music right by the window as a band for whom the last 50 years haven't happened
played Bill Hailey and even Glenn Miller tunes until at least 2 a.m.
We
slept!The next day we arose just
before they stopped serving breakfast and hit the road again at about 11 a.m.
At the start of the day the length and ambition of our trip hadn't yet sunk in
and we still hoped to arrive some time in the afternoon. As the day wore on,
and especially as our real-life route peeled apart from the simple, optimistic
plan of our directions, the spread on our hopeful arrival time widened to
somewhere between 4:30 p.m. (Paula) and
Please, God, before
dinner (me). Having left the Andes the
previous day, the scenery flattened out to huge wide open panoramas of
agricultural land featuring vines, of course, but more notably very healthy
looking cattle and horses. Police checkpoints are everywhere. These raise my
hackles, seeming to me to be the vestiges of a totalitarian state, but Paula was
more sympathetic: instead of hounding us for driving quickly the security forces
here may usefully catch people without tax or insurance (it could have been
us!). In any case, they always smiled nicely at us when they found out that we
were English.This is reassuring since
Argentina is, I'm guessing, the only country that Britain has been to war with
since 1945 with the backing of the majority of the nation. This is something
that had escaped my mind until we arrived and found that every street name seems
to include
Belgrano
or
Malvenas.
In case you've forgotten, The Belgrano was the Argentine war ship that Thatcher
ordered to be sunk with huge loss of life as it retreated from contested waters.
Seeing all these street signs reminded me of a boy I knew in my teens who signed
up for the navy and was in the Falklands for the war - he described to me the
still terror of being on a ship when each man on board was tracking
fast-approaching Argentine bombers. For three of four minutes all they could do
was prey that RAF fighters could take the bombers down before they destroyed the
ship; they did.Our journey was bad,
but not that bad. The approach up to the ranch was made more tense because one
of the roads we needed to drive along was closed and so we were unable to follow
the final section of the instructions, which were all distance-based. We later
learned that the instructions for arriving by road are not really user-tested
either since no other guests have been foolhardy enough to try it. But we
arrived, to the surprise of the owner, and at about 6:15, while it was still
light.Paula and Zoe have resolved that
the 8th of October never happened. (This was also the day when we received an
unexpected bill for over $100 for being seen at a hospital in Fairbanks, who
prescribed costly antibiotics for Heidi's tooth when none of the dentists in
town would give her treatment.)We're
here now, and the best thing I can say is that it's worth it, as I'll describe
next time.
Posted: Sun - October 9, 2005 at 07:10 AM
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Published On: Feb 08, 2006 06:20 PM
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